Lets talk REAL, not NICE

When someone asks you, “how are you?”
What do you answer?
Most people say, “fine” but the question is, are you? How honest this answer seems? Many times you face this struggle to say “I am fine” and you hold back yourself to avoid explaining all that you are going through, feelings, and the bulge of emotions.
People want to look cool, happy, and perfect all the time. They showcase themselves as that barbie doll I used to have, always smiling and pretty looking.
Let’s take a moment and imagine a world where everyone speaks only honestly and true. If they are feeling happy, they can choose an option to share happiness, if they feel broken, they say and can get some support without a fear of being judged. If they need love, they willingly ask for the need and find the match accordingly rather than keeping the manipulated thoughts for relationships. If they need intimacy, they simply can ask for that particular thing and not twisted feelings along with it.
People hold back just thinking of what the other person would think if they say what they are thinking! Sometimes you overthink a lot, especially about the things you are attached to, maybe they don’t really matter that much. But you realize that only after you share your thoughts and feelings with someone. The only bug that might be eating you at a moment, is easily defeatable. A simple talk can give a big relief.
When people talk superficial, how important it is?
How important it is to tell your friends or colleagues that you only wear high-class expensive branded things. Will it make any difference in their life? How you choose to spend the amount of money on your favorite things is your choice. They can have their priorities, but making them realize that they are different than you, or you are superior because you spend more money on few things is going to bring them closer?
It’s tragic that many of the times we have same fears, same anxiety, same secrets, same failures but we only want to talk about the economy, weather, movies, brands.
Many of the things that seem nonidentical and unusual are very average but this dishonest world makes you a weirdo for having them. Superficiality is fashion. People want to follow it blindly. They don’t Think before adapting a new fashion if it is going to suit their body or not. And very often, people tend to forget that the Brain is also a part of your body. The way you take care of your body, the brain needs it too. The way you share what kind of clothes you like to wear or what kind of food you like, maybe we can start talking about the food our mind needs! Probably we can start talking about how you coped with your anxiety the other day or how you choose to respond when you feel angry but don’t want to disappoint someone or about the heartbreak you had from your past relationship!
Let’s talk real, and not nice.

Don’t pretend!

When people use social media to only present ‘superficial’ ‘happy’ and ‘perfect looking’ sorted things, it creates a tension of presenting the same things from everyone. I have seen many people pressuring themselves to be superior, force themselves to look nicer. They feel a constant need of people’s attention. They start pretending what they are not. They start measuring love in form of likes and comments by people who don’t even care.

You are who you are when no one is watching. ‘People tend to change their behavior when they know they are being observed’ known as observational bias according to psychology. In our eagerness to present ourselves as the greatest and smartest, we hide our true natures. Insecurities make us want to convince ourselves and everyone else that we are special so we contrive a dishonest version of ourselves to appear more #knowledgeable, more accomplished, more #confident. The #ego craves recognition, acknowledgment, praise; to be right, to be more, to put others down, to raise up. *The ego doesn’t want to be better, it wants to be seen as better*

In this era of #socialmedia, everyone shares moments of their lives. It should be in the intention of sharing happiness with others, not to show others how more your life is better than others. As Dalai Lama says, all of us are the same in being humans, and we all uniquely have the thought of ‘I’ and we’re all the same in wanting happiness and in wanting to avoid suffering. Whenever you think someone’s status or worth is less than yours, turn your gaze back toward yourself and look at why your ego feels threatened

New year eve 2020

Cheerfully we welcomed 2020 and it might have not been so happy for everyone but staying positive helps to get the best out of everything.
If 2021 would be a person, it would have been much pressured because of the expectations. Hope and faith are amazing things that keep a person going. We became a better version of ourselves. We became kinder, thankful for the things we have, and never focused on being satisfied, we fought, we stopped to breathe, to heal, learned to find a balance between fighting and healing. I loved myself a little more, and will always choose myself because if you don’t love yourself enough, how will someone else will! I forgive people who must have hurt me in the past, to stop hate, to stop keeping those negative energy, I forgive them all and myself for the peace. Expectations become less from others when you are taking good care of yourself. I felt the change when I became positive, calm, enthusiastic, and satisfied, less anxious, I found some amazing people, and everything just fell into the best place. The year has become about cherishing good memories so here is a #glimpse of the celebration and enthusiasm to enter into this #crappyyear .
We became more close to the people we used to take granted for. So many of my friends lost their loved ones and it teaches us the importance of life, to have gratitude for things we got, from healthy body organs to food, money, family, friends.
So cheers to #lifelessons 2020 taught🥂
Wish to keep all these values lifelong!

Connection

Five primary motivation for connection:
1. Physical attraction. You like what they look like- You are drawn to their appearance, style, or presence or you like the idea of being seen with them.
2. Material. You like their accomplishments and the power or possessions this affords them.
3. Intellectual. You like how they think. You’re stimulated by their conversation and ideas.
4. Emotional. They understand your feelings and increase your sense of your well-being.
5. Spiritual. They share your deepest goals and values.

When you identify what’s attracting you, it’s clear if you’re attracted to the whole person or just a part.

Beautiful Barbados

Ma’am, What’s your address?’ I have been asked and I had to think for a while what to answer! Home has been a dynamic term for me.
I left my parent’s home at the formidable age of 17. The frightened puppy was excited to be welcomed to the world. When my first international journey to Barbados was initiated, crew members at the airport didn’t let me proceed alone because I was under the age of 18. Maybe they were thinking it’s a raw age to start but courage, positive perception, and grit kept me going at every step of my life.
We used to live on the college campus for the first year. Many roommates changed but I and my best friend stayed together. We wrote on our door, “we won’t be bothered by surrounding electrons.” On the campus itself, we shifted into 3 different rooms. Barbados has a really nice architectural pattern for houses. Balcony with a soothing sound of waves used to feel so good with tea in hand. The Campus shifted to the city area and we rented a spacious house with huge rooms, a dining area, an ocean view, 4 balconies, and a garden(near to campus). A lot of memories lie there. House parties, festivals, get-togethers, birthday surprises, exam group studies, presentation nights, and so on.

The photos attached are of that home.

The time came to leave the country and take the next step in life. It was my 21st birthday when I left beautiful Barbados(yes, I lived where you vacation) and came to Chicago.

Khubsurat Surat

Today, I went shopping at chauta bazaar, Surat(city of Gujrat, India). I love to go to this kind of shopping in old cities. (Big cities of India have these areas which are very old, famous for ornaments, traditional wear, footwear, Gold jewelry, Kankotri printing, books lightings, etc). When you go there, you see the old style constructed buildings which I love to see. In Ahmedabad, It starts when you go inside kalupur area, a small narrow street (known as a pol in the local language), rani no hajiro(where queens used to shop in olden times), ratanpol(famous for saris and heavy ethnic wear, cloth material), Tankshal, Dhalgarwad, Lal darwaja. I feel thrilled when I go there for shopping, also I go to the mall but I kind of miss those markets when I stay outside of India for too long.

Surat is a beautiful city and Chauta bazaar has many shops where you get beautiful ethnic wear at minimum prices, also tastiest food at cheap rates. You will see a lot of vendors on the street too selling beautiful accessories, earrings, rings, chokers, etc. When you look at their collections, your brain will freeze on what to choose. They all look so pretty.
When we finished shopping, we came out on the main road and were waiting for Uber to reach. A young boy came to us, selling envelopes/covers.
He: “please ma’am, take these 5 packets for 100 rupees.”
I said, “but I don’t need them.”
He: “please ma’am, I will give 6 for 100, okay, take 7 for 100”
I kept nodding my head(way to say No)
I felt so sorry for the poor kid. He was around the age of 13 or 14 and instead of going to school, he has to sell things to earn money and to feed himself.
My Uber arrived and he went away but I kept on looking at him with confusion should I call him back and buy things so he gets the money. Lockdown must have affected them so much that they were ready to give things for so little money. I regret not buying anything from him. It’s been a day but I can not forget his face. maybe next time, when I see someone like him, I won’t waste time thinking and will just buy whatever they have to offer. This year everyone is suffering so much, I feel so sorry for the vendors.

Do good, good things will come to you!

My flight has landed at Indira Gandhi international airport from Chicago to Delhi. There were some other evacuation flights that arrived from different cities. I had to catch one more domestic flight to my home city so I started walking for connecting flights. On my way, I was looking at those fancy duty free shops that keep expensive things. ‘Would you like to try some perfumes ma’am?’ one of the sales representatives asked me. I was walking with 3 old Indian ladies(Aunties we call as our culture) and a lot of my things(handbag, travel cushion, blanket etc) so i didn’t stop. He again asked me if I want to take any of those perfumes and I replied, ‘sure, if you are giving it for free because I have got no money!’ both laughed. I told him I will be back there to visit the store after I drop aunties to their flight gate.

The struggle at Indian airports is to find internet connection. They do have free wifi services for 45 minutes but only if you have working Indian Sim or any international sim card who can provide you OTP! I tried a few times but couldn’t connect with wifi and it was very awkward to ask a random person to give me their phone number to get OTP so I just gave up. After being on the 14 hrs flight my phone was discharged at 9% and there was no socket available to charge devices(I think they cut off power because of a pandemic situation). Anyways, I had a lot of time to cut before my flight departed so I went to the duty free store and started looking for products they had. The same sales person came to me and we started talking about how I didn’t get the internet and could’t inform my family that I had reached Delhi. They were also eager to know if I need to be quarantined or have to give any health related test or I can just simply catch the next plane. He gave me the idea that I can use the mobile numbers of those aunties who were walking with me. I told him that they weren’t my co-passengers or anyone that I know. I tried to help them when I saw they were struggling with reading and speaking english so I tried to guide them and then dropped them to their flight gate carrying so much of the hand luggage they had. They appreciated my concern for ladies and he and a couple of other salespeople who were listening to our conversation felt sorry as they were not able to help me(they weren’t allowed to keep their phones with them).

I started roaming around to different shops and bought some gifts for my family and friends. That same salesperson again came to me and started asking if i want to see any other skin products(He was just trying to fake talk in order to help me in public). Slowly he told me you can enter my phone number. I was a little surprised how he was going to get me wifi but kept looking down and entered. He gave me OTP from looking at his smartwatch and I felt so grateful. ‘Thank you a lot’ I said and he left.

I messaged everyone in the family and to my friends that I have reached safely and will be reaching soon to Amdavad.

Smoking

Some people think girls who smoke have forgotten culture, Smoking has no link to culture but these poeple surely need to rethink the damages can be done by their toxic thought process.

A person can be doing something being aware of the limits, with knowing how much is too much.
People judge person because of their habits. Sometimes, a good person with good heart can have bad habits. One habit doesn’t define a character of the person.

Personally I believe, habit is dangerous, addiction of anything can harm. There’s a saying in sanskrit “अति सर्वत्र वजँयेत।”

Smoking is dangerous to everyone’s health.
Most of the people start smoking in teenage by peer pressure. Teens think it looks cool and don’t understand the results behind these habits.
Smoking is risk factors for cancers of pancreas, lung, stomach, renal, bladder, cervical and also lead to other diseases like atherosclerosis, emphysema and cause damage to cardiovascular and respiratory system in long term.
Cigarettes contain nicotine which makes them addictive because it releases Dopamine surge for a while from brain(Dopamine is happy hormone)

Chai love…

As I call myself an explorer, I like to try new things, and beverages are one of them. Trying different teas and coffees, in the hot form mostly is my hobby. My close ones know, I am obsessed with green tea and carry a tea bag everywhere I go(in my bag, purses, at work, in-flight, restaurants, even on dates😂).
• Coffee: I like the one with hazelnut syrup in it, also latte with mocha syrup
Italia’s(coffee brand on Caribbean Islands) frescante expresso, cappuccino frappe,
Starbucks: butterscotch Frappuccino

• Tea: My latest obsession is masala Indian Chai(with cinnamon, cardamom, clove, ginger)
Other than that, my favorite ones are chamomile tea, lemon ginger tea, and Adrak wali chai♨

Modern Sita

‘Maa’ you can’t say this word without feeling it. The first person I can think of when it’s about sacrifice. ‘First sight love’ in true manners is that sight on her infant when the child is born and the way she looks at her. When men show off their weight lifting skills, should she show off her lifting capabilities who carries a life for 9 months without resting! मा, क्या तुम्हे कोइ शिकायत करने का मन नही होता!
Mother’s contribution in your life starts before her birth when she was in a womb. You know how?- As medicine explains it, oocytes start replicating before the birth of a girl child. Coming from southasian culture, A girl sacrifices her home, parents, dreams, career, comfort, priorities and her own desires. She is expected to indulge into a new family like sugar melts in milk.
She left her home (as Sitaji left Ayodhya and royal life) right before pandemic started in February 2020 after years of slavery and initiation of physical abuse. There’s no counting of mental abuse she has been through. She wasn’t weak or dependent, she is a strong mother of 2 children.
She kept tossing herself between her parents and siblings’ houses just to have a roof over her head when nobody wants to live close to one another in this pandemic situation. At last, she goes to stay in a female hostel to avoid being a burden on anyone and society pressure.
How strange it is, the one who makes a place home, can’t call her own. She needs to have father’s and then husband’s permission. Covid situation kept on going worse and so did she. Unfortunately, the hostel had to close. Again the question arrives, ‘where to go?’ with no financial and emotional support.
She goes to her sister’s house(who is physically challenged and already has a big joint family of her own). Uncomfortable her, she hears news of her son coming from America. They meet for a week. She feels guilty for not being able to provide a good shelter, facilities her son needed for his studies and can’t feed him.
Finally, she gathers courage to get a place for herself which she can call her ‘Home’ in a different city to be safe from a monster(at least that’s what she thinks). Being her daughter, now I am going to make sure I don’t leave her crawling who gave me wings to fly. Hope this story will end with “they lived happily ever after”
तारी लाडकी मैं छोडुंगी ना तेरा साथ